Tug of War
by Cannibal Jello
Summary: The Outbreak gals make a bet on Dave and Kev. Will the two fishwives make it together? Will David strangle Kev with a shoelace 2 hours into the bet? Will Kev get drunk (again!) and molest our beloved plumber, or will it happen Vice versa?
1. Default Chapter

Title: Tug of War

Author: Cannibal Jello

Rating: I think this will be an R. =3

Warning: Mild yaoi/Shounen-ai (nothing graphic)

Disclaimer: I will never own anything as cool as Resident Evil/Biohazard. Capcom owns those. And of course I'm not making any profit. If I thought I could, I wouldn't be posting it on fanfiction.net, now would I?

Notes: Aw shit, haha, I had posted the unedited form of this. Thank you ComedyMagmar for making me notice. XD

Great, when I thought I couldn't be more of a dork, it happens! Ach, ahhahaha.

REVIEW damn't, or I shall write no more! :O!

= = =

"You couldn't if you tried!"  
"I could!"  
"Could what?"  
"He thinks he can down a beer, Cindy."  
"He can, can't he? Who can't?"  
"Jim counts the number of times he chews his food, he wouldn't dare do it."  
"Shut up Alyssa!"

Yoko studied the ongoing saga with interest, despite its stupidity. After all, she was bored. She had nothing better to do than watch Alyssa knuckle poor little Jim into a corner. Lately, Alyssa had been rather keen on gambling. Perhaps it was Kevin's fault - he liked to add a little spice to weekly football matches on TV. Instead of pepper or cayenne, Kevin had his own favorite ingredient - money. When mixed with differing opinions, it was most tasteless, yet desirable recipe (if one was to win). On the other hand, if a person failed to play their cards right, they'd play themselves empty of their wallet. The amount of money that could be made was undoubtedly the lure to a well place bet.

Then again, making a generous bet was as sure fire as Russian roulette. Whether it backfired or not, no one could say. It had undoubtedly backfired on Officer Ryman, for he'd lost the wage after the football match. Sourly, he'd given his money - one twenty and three tens - to the enthralled journalist. Not only would he be feeding her hungry stomach for the next week, but he had also struck a newfound craving in the woman. When in a zoo, don't feed the animals. The same could have been said around money hungry females. Kevin had created a monster.

Still, it was believable that Alyssa Ashcroft had 'confident' for a middle name. If there was anything that woman was, it was valiant. And poor Jim, the young subway worker, had been unwillingly set in those cobalt eyes, sighted as bait for Alyssa's gambling games.

"Come on," the strawberry blonde taunted. "It's just a harmless little bet. Or are you too cheap? Is that it, Chapman, can't play a man's game?"

Cindy, having been attracted to the scene like a moth to a lamps light, laughed. "Oh Alyssa, that's cruel!"

Although he enjoyed the feminine company, Jim wasn't sure of the odds stacked against him - two females, one male. While Yoko knew Mr. Chapman couldn't turn down a lady - certainly not two - from some offers, but she had a feeling that this was certainly not one of them. Instead, Jim sat silently at the dining room table.

Alyssa wouldn't be diverted. She loomed over the seated young man, tall on her feet. She had her hands splayed across the table's edge, arms straight as she leaned over Jim's thin form. "Have a little confidence in yourself, Jim! You said yourself that you could do it. So show me! What's a little money lost?"

Jim looked skeptical, but his pique of interest was getting the best of him. The young man was playful - he couldn't deny it. "How 'little' money are we talkin'?"

The journalist tilted her head in thought. Then a smile curled her lips. Alyssa didn't look innocent. In fact, she was beginning to resemble the Grinch. "How about...ten bux."

Jim's jaw dropped. "For drinking beer? Come on, woman! You ever heard of bein' reasonable?"

The front door of the rented house opened and closed. Heavy footsteps approached, marking the arrival of David before he even entered the room. He'd come back from fetching the news, with the paper tucked beneath one arm. Yoko smiled, looking him up and down, studying the tightness of his white tank top, and the blue denim of his jeans.

Instead of a welcoming "hi", David decided to jump right in on the conversation, working off the only line his ear caught. "Women are never reasonable, Jim."

Upon seeing Yoko, David flashed her a small smile as he tossed the paper onto the table, as if he owned the place. Well, technically, they all did. Shortly after the Raccoon incident, the survivors had been drawn together after the horrors they'd survived by each other's sides. It seemed as though an invisible loop had been strung around each of the eight people, then drawn to bring them all hip to hip. Of course, after what they'd been through, it was reasonable enough.

Each of the survivors had chipped in what money they had from remaining bank accounts and pocket change to rent a four bedroom house on the edge of New York. Here, they would be away from the most bustling city life, yet each individual would have no problem continuing their careers. Everyone stayed in the same business, more of less. David remained a plumber, Alyssa snatched a job at the local paper, and Cindy was a small diner waitress. Mark had kept his job as a security officer and worked at a museum fifteen minutes away, figuring he'd track down his family as soon as life had settled down.

Kevin had wisely put distance between him and the police force. After all, if Umbrella had been tracking down the remaining few survivors from Raccoon, having Kevin land a job directly involved with the government would have been a surefire was to get tracked. Why not just prance into the corporations arms with signs that read: 'Come and get it!'?

George, with his easygoing nature, had taken a job in a family medical care business. Quite the opposite from before, George now worked with children. Cindy was enthralled, since the two had began to date shortly after the outbreak. Everyone else winced; hoping the grinning girl wasn't getting the wrong ideas. Once, jokingly, Alyssa had voiced her concern. "You can fix pipes, create weapons, and fix a god damn tank, but do you know how to do tubule legation?" she'd asked David. Yoko had never seen him so red before.

David certainly wasn't red now. In fact, with the suns summer rays, he had become a rather nice shade of tawny brown. Yoko frowned at her own opaqueness.

Cindy, by far the palest of the group, looked at the plumber frowning. "Hey, not all of us, Buster!"

Jim raised a finger towards Alyssa. "Just her."

"Hey, it's not nice to point!" Alyssa snapped, then said, "Especially when you can't put your money where your mouth it."

By his flat expression, Yoko knew David expected what was coming. Still he had to ask, "What?"

"Alyssa's betting Jim that he can't chug down a can of beer!" Cindy chirped helpfully. Jim nodded. David sighed, walking over to collapse on the sofa next to Yoko. She smiled as he did.

"Oh no, not this shit again," he groaned. "Can't you give it a rest?"

Alyssa set her sights on David. "I'm only just beginning, mister. You wanna have a go?"

Was that a challenge to a bet? Yoko was surprised Alyssa had the nerve to provoke David again.

She should have learned her lesson by now. David is no lightweight, and he certainly doesn't back down - not even when confronted with a tub of Nairs wax and cloth strips.

Yoko could have laughed aloud at those memories. One day David had come across a very sore and agitated Alyssa, cursing about "the damn things women do to make themselves attractive" as she ripped layers of skin from her legs with melted wax.

He'd laughed, shaking his head. "Can't take a little pain, huh?"

Alyssa glared daggers. "A little? Like you would know anything about it, you bastard!"

"It can't be that bad," David retorted. And that's when it all began. Fifty of Alyssa's paycheck said that David couldn't survive a leg waxing. Fifty of David's said he could.

Perhaps David had gotten the better bargain - a little pleasure with his pain. Kevin had nervously joked that perhaps David enjoyed the torture too much. Some of the expected groans of pain sounded suspiciously like moans of tormented pleasure.

You learn something new about someone every day.

David had left the room with the smoothest, finest legs Yoko had ever seen on a man. In fact, she'd been jealous. Most women would have died for those long lithe thighs and calves, along with his natural olive skin. It was unfair, really, how nature favored some and neglected others.

Maybe Alyssa had shared the same flashback, because she suddenly dropped her challenging gaze towards David. Instead, she shifted it towards Jim.

"Take it of leave it, Bub. Five dollars says you can't chug a can of beer, hands down."

Both David and Yoko rolled their eyes, and smiled at each other. They had become pretty close since Raccoon that their relationship resembled that of a brother and sister, so when David scooted closer to slip an arm around the young Japanese girl's shoulders, it was nothing more than a friendly gesture.

His gravelly voice asked her gently, "Do you think he'll do it?"

Yoko sighed. "I hope he doesn't, but he probably will. Alyssa is the queen of intimidation."

"Do you wanna make that a bet?" David joked. Yoko slapped him on the chest, grinning.

Cindy perched herself on the edge of the table, crossing her legs daintily. She joined Alyssa's intent stare at Jim.

His nervousness cracked. "Okay! I'll do it! Just stop sharkin' me, will ya?"

The two girls laughed gleefully. Alyssa ran into the kitchen to snatch up a can of Miller. She didn't bother to bring her purse along. "Here ya go, Jimmy. Have fun!"

Cindy clapped. "Go Jim! Chug that beer!"

Another voice called from another room. "Did I hear the word beer?!"

Kevin Ryman hurried into the room, hair a rat's nest, standing on end from night's worth of sleep crushed against a pillow. Unshaven and suffering a slight hangover, Kevin stumbled over his own foot once or twice before gaining his bearings. "What'd I miss?" he panted, standing behind the couch.

No one else besides the Alyssa, Cindy, David, Jim, Kevin, or Yoko was home at the moment. Duty called for the remaining few, who grumbled at those who were granted with a day off or two. For Yoko, it was simply the weekend which she had free, since remained a University student. No one expected her to hold a job - yet.

David leaned his head back against the headrest of the cushions, exposing his strong neck as he looked up at Kevin. "Alyssa's following your examples, again. Really, we should kill you for doing this to us."

"What? What'd I do?" Kevin asked innocently, tilting his head to one side. "I haven't done anything!"

Yoko smiled and Kevin laughed as David said, "You've created a witch."

It might have been okay for Alyssa to self-proclaim herself as such, but it certainly wasn't for David, or anyone else, for that matter. She made it quite obvious when she swept the rolled newspaper from the table and approached the couch. She welded her weapon as a law enforcer would a truncheon, patting it against her empty palm. Then, when she was in range, the brought it down with a _thwack!_

David yipped and Kevin yelped as a barrage of swings thumped their heads, raising their hands in hopeless defense. Yoko ducked behind a sofa pillow; thankful she wasn't facing the wrath of the journalist's scorn. But unlike males, females typically thought before they spoke.

"That's Ms. Witch to you, you knuckleheads. Treat a lady with respect!" Alyssa snapped.

Kevin either didn't hear, or didn't care, and he obviously didn't learn his lesson from the beating. "You're no lady!" he laughed.

As Kevin became the focus of Alyssa's attacks, David took momentary advantage of the distraction. He raised one hand and tugged the paper away from the manicured hands. Alyssa attempted to snatch it back, but she was too slow. She growled in frustration when David lifted himself and sat on the weapon of choice.

"Enough," he hissed.

Kevin sighed thankfully, rubbing his sore head. By the expression on Alyssa's face - defiant and flushed with anger - Kevin thought she'd attack again. Like a dog, she sensed his uneasiness, and lurched forward to swat at the groggy man. He jumped back and threw his hands up in surrender.

"All right, all right! Cool your jets, lady."

Alyssa smiled arrogantly. "Yes, that's right. Did you hear that, David? I'm a lady - Kevin said so!"

David muttered something beneath his breath. Yoko giggled. "Watch it, Dave," she warned.

The journalist glared at David. "You should be more obedient. Maybe then you'd get a girl, once in a while."

She'd manage to catch David's attention. "Say what?" he asked.

Alyssa grinned devilishly. "You heard me. You haven't had a girlfriend for a while, am I right?"

"So what if you are?" David retorted. Yoko watched his face with interest, but she couldn't quite put a finger on what she saw. Irritation? Dismay? Aggravation? Only David knew.

Alyssa, never failing to find ways to amuse herself, kept bating David for a fight. "...You know what else I think?"

"What?" David asked, remaining S (passively)

"I bet you haven't gotten laid for a long time."

Yoko flushed at the thought, expecting David to do the same. Everyone's full-on attention was focused on the couch, awaiting David's comeback.

He shrugged passively. "Not all men are mindless sex machines like Kevin."

"Hey!" Kevin snapped loudly, despite his hung-over ache. He winced after the effort.

Everyone ignored Kevin's outburst. They were staring at the boxing ring as the plumber and journalist circled each other, verbal fists cocked.

Alyssa glared down at her lounging opponent, curling one corner of her mouth audaciously. "Perhaps you're just a coward."

When David didn't take the bate, she turned her back and sighed in exasperation. "What's wrong with you guys? Is no one man enough to stand up for themselves around here?"

David sarcastically proved her wrong, for he up-righted himself from the sunken cushions to stand. Hands on his hips, he smirked at Alyssa. "Are you happy now?"

"Spare me your sarcasm, Dave." Alyssa said, sighing. Yoko tried to the smile tugging at her lips. She assumed Jim and Cindy were struggling to do the same. Kevin was grinning full-fledged.

You think Kevin would have learned his lesson by now, Yoko thought to herself. _He's lucky Alyssa didn't punch those teeth into his face._

Despite Alyssa's sassy attitude, David wasn't one to be intimidated. He could sass back with the best of them. But perhaps he was making the best move. Instead of punching back with an insult or remark, he simply folded his arms quietly. If there were two things Alyssa couldn't stand, it was being ignored or receiving the silent treatment and David was laying it on thick.

Alyssa was unnerved, obviously. She stepped right up to David, nearly breast to chest, staring up to look into his gray eyes between the distance of their heights. All the other survivors held their breath, and she spoke.

"I'm starting to think you aren't a man, David."

"Goin' straight for the uppercut," Kevin whispered into Yoko's ear. "But will she go for the K.O?"

The ex-RPD member had sunk behind the couch, resting his stubble-riddled chin against the headrest. She giggled slightly, feeling his warm breath on her skin. She could smell last night's alcohol on his breath.

"You haven't brushed, have you?" she asked. It felt awkward speaking among the silence of the others, so she pitched her voice low.

Kevin twisted an eyebrow. "Not yet. Why?"

"No reason," she smiled. "Just make sure you use some mouthwash – and a ton of it."

Yoko let Kevin mow over what she'd said as she turned her attention back to the plumber. Still and unvoiced, David stood his ground. He stared down straight down his nose at the strawberry blonde.

Alyssa made the first physical move. One nimble hand slid between their two bodies, resting on David's stomach. The plumber looked confused. Everyone held their breath, except for Alyssa who grinned like a shark, hand grasping the hem of David's jeans. "What have we got here?" she purred sensually.

There was no hesitation as she pulled, separating the worn fabric from David's firm stomach. He made a small noise of surprise as Alyssa looked down between them, down the openness of his pants.

Everyone else was slack-jawed. It took David a moment to regain his composure before he slapped her hands away. Alyssa laughed with a high, gleeful pitch as David adjusted the jeans.

As he did, he growled, "And to think this is the only day I didn't wear a belt."

Jim laughed - the tense air of the room broken. Cindy was giggling like a hyena, pink in the face. Yoko noticed her own skin was flushed hot, as behind her, Kevin stood up and slapped his knee.

"The things that go on in this house!" he chuckled.

Cindy looked at Alyssa. "So, what's the verdict?" she asked.

Alyssa coyly smiled at David, eyes dangerously fierce. "He's a man, all right. Pity he's proper. I was wondering if he even wore anything beneath those jeans."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but _that_ I remembered this morning." David smirked. "Catch me on a Tuesday, and you might have better luck."

Yoko was about to ask what was so special about Tuesday, but she thought better of it. David was like a brother to her, not a boy toy. Knowing might have changed that.

On the other side of the room, Jim looked relieved. The subway worker believed he was free of Alyssa's torment. Alyssa may have forgotten after the display that had taken place, if it hadn't been for the beer can standing tall on the table. Jim grimaced, fumbling to hide it, but lucked out in the end.

"I saw that!" she cried, stomping over to the table. Behind her, David plopped and slumped against the couch again with his long legs splayed leisurely before him. Kevin, eager to be around anything involving beer, circled his was around the couch towards the table.

"Gotta get a front row seat," Kevin smiled apologetically, passing Yoko's offer to sit with her and the plumber. She nodded and watched his back as he walked.

Jim looked like a weak animal cornered by its predators who had caged him in his seat at the table. He swallowed hard, perhaps having second thoughts about the bet. It was then that Yoko remembered that Jim had never been much of a beer drinker. "He's more of wine cooler kinda guy," David had joked once before. If one thing was sure, it was that Jim was no heavyweight, and he certainly couldn't live up to the drinking abilities of their beloved domestic drunk. It didn't take a genius to point that man out.

Said man was eyeing the can of Miller that stood proudly on the table. He smiled. "Hey Alyssa, why didn't you bet me over this?"

Alyssa blinked, then scoffed. "I'm not _that_ stupid," she said, before pointing an accusing finger at David. "Don't you dare say a word!"

The plumber chuckled and his mouth remained shut. Yoko thought she could hear his mind ticking.

Jim sighed, rolling his eyes. One brown hand wrapped around the silver can, as the other popped the lid. He sniffed the contents inside and retracted immediately as though a snake had struck. His face was crunched up in obscene distaste.

"Oh my god, hell no! No way I'm drinkin' this shit! What is this, piss in a can?"

Alyssa smirked. "No, you'd only have to worry if Kevin had given you the beer."

From the couch, David laughed in a single hard exhilaration. Yoko mentally praised David for being so efficient – by sitting on the newspaper; he had saved himself from further beatings. If he hadn't, Kevin would have surely leapt at the plumber with the paper cocked and ready. All was safe, for now.

Instead of snapping, Kevin simply glared at Alyssa. Not even his look of death could wipe the silly grin from her face. It turned to an expression of triumph as Alyssa extended an open palm to Jim.

"Pay up, sweet cheeks! Give mama five sheets of green!"

Jim slammed down the can, shaking the table. He stood up but made no move to find his wallet.

"Like hell!" he cried. "Give a guy a chance, will ya? I can't stand this cheap shit!"

Cindy got up from her seat on the table. "You want me to find something better?"

Jim rolled his eyes at the blonde. "Yes!"

"I don't think there is anything better," David muttered from the couch, then teased, "Didn't Kevin drink it all?"

Kevin clenched his fist and began to approach the couch.

This can't be good, she thought, picking up her shield of a pillow. It wasn't much, but it would have to do.

David, on the other hand, didn't have anything to protect himself when Kevin started running at the couch. Instead of waiting for the punch, David swung himself over the nearest and scuttled to get out of the way of the charging bull.

"No you don't, you ass!" Kevin barked, lurching for the plumber. David yelped, dodging one before he stumbled a few feet away from the fiercely grinning cop, before he leaned into an attack stance.

"This ass is going to kick _your _ass," David snarled, returning the insane stare.

Across the room, Jim sighed. "Here we go again! Can't you guys refrain from tearin' each others throats for one day?"

Yoko wanted to ask the same. She couldn't deny that she found it funny. It seemed once a week David and Kevin would make playful jabs at each other, then run around chasing their tails. Many a lamp or potted plant had been broken during the rampant sessions. Yoko had the feeling she'd be picking up the dustpan pretty soon.

"Boys will be boys, Jim," she smiled, watching the two other men in their stand off. Tension crackled between them, winding their bodies up like coil that would undoubtedly spit shrapnel when it finally snapped.

One drawled second. Two. Then the detonator blew.

There was a flash of movement as David took off full sprint out of the room at top speed. Thundering close behind was Kevin, who shouted in primal excitement. The floor shook as the two grown men flew through the room, leaping over a random shoe of Jim's sprawled on the floor, dodging table and lamp.

"Watch it!" Alyssa yelled as David flew past her, too fast for her to react. Then a scream she saw Kevin, racing towards her and steaming like a bull. Behind her, David was laughing like an insane man, lost in the adrenaline, too enthralled to see the oncoming furniture -

Crash!

= = =

"You know what would help ease the pain, David?"

"...Alcohol?"

Kevin grinned, patting his friend on the shoulder as he looked at the resting man splayed on his bed. Yoko was surprised that Kevin didn't receive a serious punch to the face. Perhaps he would have, if David's hands weren't occupied, clutching an icepack to his right hip. He'd been shed of his pants, but that was nothing. The only thing besides his long legs he exposed was the rubber ducky print of his boxers.

"I was thinking along the lines of sex, but if you insist!" Kevin said, holding the previously abandoned can of Miller in his hand. He took a drink, grinning from ear to ear. Yoko watched her friend as he drank from her place on the bed next to David. She sat, legs criss-crossed, besides the lanky plumber and was fondly playing with his lengthy hair.

Yoko thought it was quite cute that he was attempting to humor his friend. But that was little compared to what it would take to patch the anger between the men. David could hold a grudge with the best of them, and he was certainly expressing one now.

Cindy walked into the room shaking her head. As she did so, her blonde ponytail swayed from side to side. Adorable was a word to describe her.

She laid a nurturing hand on David's leg. "Okay Dave, let's take a look at it."

Alyssa piped up from her place standing in the doorway. "Strip, baby!" she giggled, then added, "Wow, this is the second chance today I've had to see it, Dave."

The plumber wasn't amused. "I didn't take the table corner into my crotch – thank god!"

"If he had, he probably wouldn't be alive right now," Kevin joked. David's eyes exposed his boiling anger as Cindy removed the cold pack, effectively shutting Kevin up as if he'd been gagged. The former cop took a step back.

"Ouch," Cindy hissed beneath her breath. "And to think crap like this only happens when George is gone."

Jim laughed suddenly before he asked, "Is there a doctor in the house?! We got a dipshit in need of medical attention!"

"Alyssa," David grumbled, waving her over to him. She nimbly trotted over and leaned down to David as he whispered gravelly in her ear. Jim's humored expression faded. A conniving grin warped her lips as she pulled away from David to walk out of the room. On her way, she snatched up the ice pack.

"Come on Jim, let's go toss this in the freezer," she said. Though Jim was suspicious, he knew it was best to trust a woman. There was little worse than a woman's scorn.

But there were some things.

"What are you doing?" he asked, laughing nervously. There was no reply for a few seconds. Suddenly, there was a yelp, a shout for help – and a window-shattering shriek.

"What the hell?!" Kevin cried, flying towards the bedroom door like a gust of wind.

Behind him, David shook with laughter. He was clutching his heaving stomach until he was out of breath. Cindy, unsure what to do, had held her hands up and off of the humored man.

Beyond the room, Jim was swearing like there was tomorrow. "What in the hell is up with that, you bitch! God! David! You bastard – fucking piece of shit, you're dead! DEAD!"

There was laughter further into the house, obviously Alyssa's. She became the target of Jim's rage. "And you! YOU! You're going down with him, bitch! I'll bury you fuckers together, you evil rotten, little -!!! ERGH!"

Kevin leapt back from the doorway as a very unhappy Jim stomped inside, fuming. Behind him, a cackling Alyssa trailed. She stepped into the room behind him.

"Not so hot now, eh, Jim?" David joked. "Of course not, that 'ice down the pants' trick works wonders! Ahah, how are ya feelin'? Is there any pain, or are you numb? Maybe you shriveled so small, the fucker snapped off!"

Kevin was the human catching mitt as Jim lunged towards David. Kevin held the subway worker back. "Woah there, I think he's been battered enough today, don't ya think?"

"Not nearly," Jim snarled. Kevin fought to hold the young man still until Jim was a panting, gasping bundle. His battery had run low.

"Anyway…" Cindy began, wanting to divert the conversation from it's surely doomed course. She traced one hand lightly over David's swollen side as she asked, "Does this hurt?"

He shook his head. "No, but it's too numb from the ice. Can't feel a thing."

Cindy smiled. "I guess that's a good thing. You're going to have one hell of a bruise."

Kevin chuckled, before he said, "Well why don't you give it a kiss?"

"I'll tell you what _you_ can kiss," David growled.

Kevin cocked an eyebrow and stepped closer. "Bend over Bub and I'll plant a big sloppy one."

Cindy was giggling, Alyssa was intrigued, and Yoko was embarrassed.

"That's probably the most action David would get in a long time," Alyssa said. She sat, combing her hair with the fingers of her left hand.

"Oh god, that again?" the plumber groaned. "Can't you give it a rest?"

Alyssa shrugged, dropping her hand to her side. "I have nothing better to do."

"Well…" David said, smiling at Jim. "You could always finish your bet with ol' Blue Balls over there."

Jim's jaw dropped and he looked at the plumber; eyebrows plunged in a V down his nose. "You..!"

"That's right!" Alyssa laughed, clapping her hands. "Let's go get us a drink! I've been waiting for my five new friends. I got five places in my purse for them – One for George, another for George, then-"

"We get it!" Kevin cried, gripping his head.

Cindy frowned from her sitting place on the bed next to David. "I don't think we have anything here besides Miller."

Kevin's grin couldn't get bigger as he took center stage in the room. "So it's settled, then! Off to a bar we go!!"

There was a collective groan amongst the other survivors.

"Who's game?" Kevin asked, bouncing from foot to foot. It didn't take a genius to assume his opinion on the matter.

Alyssa smiled. "I'll go. I'm going to collect my tab no matter what, isn't that right, Jim?"

"But I don't want –"

"You're going," Alyssa snapped. "That's final."

Cindy tilted her head to one side in thought for a moment, before she smiled. "I don't see why not. Sure, I'll tag along."

Yoko's choice was a definite as Kevin's. She was a minor, only 20 years old. She didn't belong in a bar, and she wouldn't try. This fact influenced David's decision, as he shook his head slightly.

"I guess I'll stay behind," he said, shifting against the bed.

Kevin wasn't having any of that. "Oh come on, Dave, you gotta follow! How else are ya gonna get laid? I bet you could nab some fine looking ladies at the bar, no sweat!"

The plumber frowned, patting Yoko on the head with one large hand. "I don't feel like venturing out into the cesspool tonight. Besides, who's going to watch over our little underage friend? She's the most important gal to me, hands down."

Yoko flushed, her cheeks pinkening. She was always bashful when being flattered. Despite the sweet smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, she managed a slight frown. "You don't have to ruin your fun around me, Dave. I don't mind staying behind."

Her frown was infectious, and David was easily defiled. "No, really it's okay. Who needs a lady when you've got the best gal waiting at home?"

Alyssa rolled her eyes. "Oh stop the mushy crap. Yoko, what do you want Dave to do?"

"I want him to go and enjoy himself," the young woman answered.

Kevin jangled the car keys. "Okay. Then come on Dave, let's go."

= = =

Kevin was drunk.

No surprise there, Cindy thought, watching the man down his sixth shot of liquor.

It wasn't a surprise either, when Kevin stood on unsteady feet. Like usual, Kevin was the only one who was really hammered. Cindy, like Jim, wasn't much of a drinker, so she understood when Jim lost the bet.

He'd been so close! About half a glass of wine down and his gag reflex triggered. But Cindy doubted the mess he made was the most damaging blow to his ego. He'd look pretty defeated as his five dollars were yanked away. Really, Cindy would never understand men.

She definitely didn't understand David.

The plumber had taken a seat in the corner of the room, deep in the dim bar shadows. All of the other survivors assumed he'd rather be alone than in familiar company. _There goes David and his inherited melancholy._

Cindy had a depression of her own. Being in such a familiar scene, in such an unfamiliar place tended to bring back memories she'd have rather forgotten. Memories of Raccoon, memories of Will –

Stop.

Jim, Alyssa, and Cindy had stuck together like a school of fish, albeit a very small gathering. Just moments ago, Jim had retreated to the restroom – to wash out his mouth, Cindy guessed – leaving the waitress and journalist alone.

Both of them sat, saying a couple words in bursts whilst stirring their drinks absentmindedly. Not much was going on in the bar, which was an unusual thing. Kevin was the type to make a scene – it had happened plenty times before – but luckily, he wasn't going to tonight.

Uh-ho, spoke too soon.

Cindy bit her lip, watching as the hunk of a man staggered from his stool at the bar. Everyone knew his attitude well enough – even when shit-faced, Kevin insisted he was in control, despite the fact that he couldn't walk in a straight line. So instead, he made a bee track straight towards – _Who else –_ David King.

David should have seen it coming. After all, he could have been pinned the father figure of the group. He'd taken the role upon himself to take care of any problems, and – more often than never – keep Kevin from _becoming_ the problem, himself.

At the moment, Kevin didn't seem like much of a hazard. In fact, he looked as harmless – and helpless – as a toddler did. Even more so when he cooed, "Daa-vid!"

Cindy laughed at the expression the plumber wore as he turned towards his friend. She could read it clearly: Oh hell, not again. She felt the same, although she figured everyone already knew without her announcement.

"Oh my god," Alyssa breathed, attention attracted to the two familiar men. "Is he dribbling?"

Cindy laughed. "Which one, David or Kevin?"

Alyssa snickered, taking a sip of her Bloody Mary. The blonde waitress could smell the Tobasco from where she sat. Apparently, Alyssa liked it hot.

"I think he is!" the journalist cackled, slapping her thigh. She only got louder when Kevin promptly hiccuped and fell over, toppling to the ground at David's feet.

From their table, the girls could just hear Kevin speak when he whinged David's name again and held up a thick hand. "Help me up?" he pleaded.

David, like the father figure he was described as before, obliged. He had a smile on his lips as though he were laughing and enjoying his friend's helplessness. The expression faltered for a moment – the time it took David to pull Kevin to his feet – and then he relaxed again.

"You're a heavy bastard, you know that?" he asked, the question sounding rhetorical.

Kevin hiccuped again, then leaned towards his friend. "Not too heavy to do this," he slurred.

Both girls watched, slack jawed as Kevin hopped on the plumber's lap, wrapping his arms around David's neck, past his ponytail until his two hands met. David was shocked, even more so when Kevin pressed his face close to give his cheek a hard kiss. The plumber looked at Kevin, mouth slightly opened.

"My god," Alyssa breathed.

Cindy began to titter.

"For earlier," Kevin grinned, letting out a very non-masculine giggle. "I told you'd I'd give you a big, sloppy kiss, though I expected it to be on some other cheek." Then Kevin tilted his head, looking at where his mouth had met. "Woah, when I meant sloppy, I didn't mean literally!" he laughed. One arm was raised to wipe David's cheek off with his sleeve. "Didn't mean to drown you in spit."

Up until then, David remained nonplussed. He finally managed to shake himself and laugh. "Don't worry about it," he said. Then he frowned mockingly at the man seated on his lap. "Damn, how am I suppose to get a girl now?" he asked. "The entire bar probably thinks we're gay."

They weren't the only people who shared that path of thought.

Cindy leaned over closer to Alyssa, mouth still tight with a smile. "Hey, you know how you tried to that bet with Jim?"

It took the journalist a moment, but she understood soon enough. "Oh, that one about Dave getting laid?"

"Yeah," Cindy nodded. "I'll take you up on that."

"Really?" Alyssa gasped, feeling the rush of adrenaline a gamble gave. "And are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin?"

The waitress smiled. "Fifty bux says David gets laid. Fifty more says it's by Kevin."

Alyssa clapped her hands gleefully. "You are SO ON!"

"Let's calculate the chances, shall we?" Cindy asked, after the two had shaken hands. The deal was sealed.

"All righty," Alyssa began, placing a thoughtful finger on her chin. "One, Kevin's horny."

The younger woman giggled, adding, "Two, Kevin's drunk."

After a beat, they both said in unison, "Three...Kevin's horny when drunk."

Then they began to laugh.

= = =

TBC (Only if you review)


	2. 2

Title: Tug of War

Author: Cannibal Jello

Rating: I think this will be an R. =3

Warning: Mild yaoi/Shounen-ai (nothing graphic)

Disclaimer: I will never own anything as cool as Resident Evil/Biohazard. Capcom owns those. And of course I'm not making any profit. If I thought I could, I wouldn't be posting it on fanfiction.net, now would I?

Notes:

Well, this is the first part of chapter 2, rofl. Yes, that might be confusing to some of you. If it were one large chapter, there would have been a change of the POV, which might have seemed weird and jumbling...oh well. Besides, I wanted to post _something_.

REVIEW damn't, or I shall write no more! :O!

To my lovely, loyal reviewers, I thank and give hugs n kisses! Fanfiction.net needs more people like y'all, :D

This is for Lady Frost, the demanding tyrant! XD Yes doll, you now have an external heart, a giant claw, and a black spandex speedo like Thanatos. So haaaawwtt :3!

EDIT: Went through it pretty quickly, fixed the obvious parts. BlizzardAngel, thanks for stabbing me in the ass. Then again, you shouldn't have been too shocked - you should expect horrible writing from a horrible author. xX; Anyways...yeah...I get so sick and tired of my own stories I'd nearly die if I had to read over them once finished...So maybe I should stop writing! ;P

I was hurried whilst writing by SOMEONE (you know who you are). Dude, you, yes you with the writing talent surpassed by mine, why don't you point out my typos? Gah! lol.

Eh...that bit kinda...deflated my 'writing erection'. Oh well..

= = =

CH 2 Part 1

The sun was shining bright in the sky, causing the land-lying grass to grow a lush emerald green. It was on this turf that eight pairs of feet strode as the survivors enjoyed a leisurely day in the local park.

It had been Cindy's idea, Cindy's cheery voice that urged them all to gather here. "Wouldn't it be nice if we could just sit back and relax with one another?" she asked, smiling as usual. Despite a few groans, all which came from David, everyone else was enthusiastic enough. And, like always it seemed, David was dragged along.

It's as if I'm on some goddamn leash, David scowled.

Said leash lead David to a shady spot under a grand oak tree where Cindy was humming happily as she fluffed out a blanket to sit. She giggled when David blinked at the god awful, stereotypical picnic red and white checkered print. "Aw, you don't like it, Davey?"

"It's horrible," he answered, thinking to himself, _She doesn't have very good taste, does she? Not for clothes either…_

Remaining in high spirits, she teased, "Like you could have done any better."

"I could have," David scoffed. "I'd be _better_ off anywhere but here."

Cindy stuck out her small pink tongue. "What's so bad about bein' outside?"

"The sun," he grunted.

She laughed, wagging a scolding finger at him. "You should take advantage of your natural tan, Dave. You should be glad to have it!"

"I am; it saves me from going outside to get one."

"Oh _Dave,"_ Cindy sighed.

The plumber folded his arms and leaned against the tree bark that scratched roughly at his clothing – khaki shorts and an orange T-shirt. If there was one thing David was thankful for it was that outside, few mirrors stood. That saved him from having to look at himself and the horror that clung to his lanky body.

That's the last time I let the girls shop for me. End of story.

David thought for a moment, before frowning at Cindy. "Besides, I hate tan lines."

Cindy winked, giggling lightly. "Then take off some clothes!"

Hmm, that would solve one problem – two, actually. This shirt and these pants, ughh…

The plumber blinked again, then sneered. "Nice try, but I'll pass."

Tsking beneath her breath, Cindy smiled at her friend. "You know what, you're more vain than a woman," she said.

David grunted.

Cindy busied herself with setting out plates piled with food. There was another part to the outing. For some reason Cindy had insisted on taking the whole hog, so to speak. She had put it against herself to plan an old fashion picnic. Not even David could deny that it was interesting to watch Cindy's nimble, practiced hands work to and fro, always active. But with his own paws empty, David felt useless, like a procrastinator after having worked with them constantly on the job.

"I'm bored," he sighed.

The busy blonde glanced up from her chores, setting her sights on the stoic man. Then something beyond him and the tree caught her sapphire eyes. "If you're bored, then why don't you go play with the others?"

Oh no, she's starting to sound like a mother, David thought to himself. _You know what? That probably means you're acting like a kid again._

David ignored his inner voice and turned his head. He wasn't the only childish adult about. His friends were galloping amongst the sun's rays and the grass. Kevin was pumping his legs in a full on sprint, in the lead to pursue a lump on the ground. Behind him, Alyssa Ashcroft was gaining speed.

With a massive leap, Kevin threw his equally massive frame atop the object, so suddenly that David wasn't sure whether Alyssa meant to topple on top of him or did it purely by accident. Yoko, who had been running a few paces behind the journalist, had enough time to skid to a stop and avoid the traffic jam of bodies. The young Japanese girl doubled over, her sweet laughter ringing through the warm air as the two stubborn adults wrestled over whatever it was that they had.

David blinked for the third and then four time that day as Kevin hopped to his feet. Around his shin and with as much class as a leech, Alyssa desperately kept her hold. Obviously, Kevin hadn't heard the saying "white men can't dance". Maybe he plainly didn't give a shit because he began groove anyway, despite his lack of talent or the 28 year old woman dangling from his legs.

"What in the hell…?" David muttered beneath his breath. Then he shook his head. "Idiots."

Cindy was giggling again. "What, you don't like football?" She glanced from David to the group again. "…Or at least their attempt at it? Is it safe to call that football?"

The plumber didn't answer and instead continued to watch as Kevin began to approach both he and Cindy in their spot beneath the protective shade of the tree. After a moment of futile struggle, Alyssa has settled with the fact that she couldn't bring Kevin down with her and released the man. Alyssa Ashcroft may have fallen but was far from defeat. Behind Kevin, she uprighted herself and began to move. Strawberry blonde hair fluttering in the wind, Alyssa charged at the unsuspecting cop. When she reach a few feet from the man, she threw herself atop his back, arms locking around Kevin's thick neck. Kevin yelped and tried to shake her off, but Alyssa had become the human octopus.

That woman's gotta have strong arms, David thought. It was like watching a rodeo, with Kevin as the bull and Alyssa as the determined cowgirl. _Hah…cowgirl…I shouldn't tell _her_ that. She'd flip about her weight. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't feel like cleaning up any more vomit._

David shuddered, remembering the previous night. Kevin had gone a little overboard with the drinks – _which is an understatement, and not much a surprise_. As if the smooch he'd given David hasn't been obvious enough, the former R.P.D. could have convinced the most skeptical on-looker by the amount of alcohol that had shown a second appearance straight from the mans gut.

It hadn't been until David had hailed a taxi and dumped the man onto his bed that Kevin's stomach decided to swim. David barely had the time to rub his shoulder, which had grown stiff from carrying the other's weight, until he had to lug the man up again in a desperate search for the bathroom. The plumber knew he should have been concerned for his friend's wellbeing, but instead he grew hotheaded when Kevin puked once on the linoleum 24 inches from the toilet. He'd cursed as he stumbled to avoid the brown cottage cheese-resembling puddle, but to no avail, he'd still managed to land a foot in it.

If there was one thing David King hated, it was vomit. _The smell, taste, ugh! _And if there were a second, then it'd have to be needles. Luckily, no needles had been involved in that particular situation. But David now knew the third item on his hate list: a drunken, regurgitating Kevin.

Kevin wasn't that bad after he'd been dropped in front of the porcelain bowl he seemed to know so well. In fact, he used that to empty his sloshing stomach instead of the floor – a much better place in David's mind. Still, he dreaded even the thought of approaching the pool of newly digested stomach acid, liquefied cheetos, a basket of fish and chips, and God knows what else he'd consumed in the past 24 hours.

David didn't mind being a procrastinator then and he was sure Kevin wouldn't have complained either. After all, the stocky drunk had needed someone to keep watch over him as he panted, gasped, and groaned with his sweaty face pressed against the toilet seat. _Then again, if his head somehow slid off the seat and fell into the toilet and caused him to drown, it wouldn't have been such a bad thing – just a guarantee he wouldn't get so shitfaced again. But man, what an embarrassing, pitiful death that would have been…_

Kevin had been snoring on the bathroom floor as David mopped up the mess with two whole packages of paper towels. The next morning when Cindy had searched for the MIA rolls, she'd rolled her eyes at David's explanation. _There was absolutely no way I was going to have it soak through a couple sheets and get on my hands, uck! Nasty, nasty, nasty, makes me squeamish even thinking about it!_

The next morning, Kevin may have woken up with a hangover, but for David, it was more serious than that. David had been traumatized. He'd seriously considered greeting the man waking to the early morning with a boot in the balls. Of course, David couldn't, since his boots now lived in the bathtub until the plumber perfected the practice of sanitation. Hell, he figured he'd probably give the footwear a free one way trip to the trashcan. _Great…not only am I a mechanic, but I'm a garbage man, as well. Lovely._

Of course, like everything else, David wouldn't fit _that_ mold either. How many times had he been told that he didn't look like a plumber? So many he thought he'd die if he heard those words ever again. Looks can be deceiving, obviously, since Alyssa Ashcroft resembled a stick despite her toughness. She must have weighed as much, David guess, by the way Kevin swung her around his torso.

With a flip over his shoulder, the kicking journalist was trapped within the officer's arms. Kevin made no attempt to hide his amusement at Alyssa's faux pas. Shouts turned into shrieks as Kevin tipped her upside down with one arm until her hanging blonde hair was brushing against his knees. In his free hand, Kevin held the football.

"Let go of me, you big oaf!" Alyssa snarled, pounding her hands against any part of Kevin in reach. She obviously wasn't sharing Kevin's amusement.

Trust Kevin to always be laughing…

Said man wore the almost permanent grin on his face as he spoke. "Hey guys! What are you two doing hiding from the sun?"

"Making a picnic!" Cindy chirped.

"Sounds good," Kevin said with a wink. "I can't wait to see the fruit of all your hard work, Cindy. But what's Dave doing?"

Before the plumber could answer for himself, Cindy butt in. "Complainin' that he's bored, as always."

Kevin laughed as he leaned forward and let Alyssa slid from his grasp. She thudded to the ground with an eruption of hissing curses. Unlike felines, it was apparent that humans didn't always land on their feet.

"Ouch, you prick! That was abuse!" the journalist said, voice laden with venom.

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," Kevin laughed. "And if that means dropping some uptight bitch on her head – OW!"

Alyssa was the one smiling now, after having introduced her pointed foot to Kevin's shin. Already the new acquaintance wasn't off to a good start.

Cindy was giggling madly, coiling her blonde hair around one finger when David glanced at her and said, "See why I don't get involved?"

"Aww, but it looks fun!" she grinned.

David groaned. "Riiight…"

A determined hand clamped onto David's right arm suddenly, pulling the man to his feet.

"Come _on_, Dave! Cindy is right, it is fun! What's wrong with tossin' around a little pigskin with your buds?"

David grumbled something beneath his breath, barely audible, but Kevin's ears, trained to catch the slightest sound, perked to attention. "What was that?" the former RPD officer asked, prodding David's chest with one thick finger.

David swatted the hand away, but soon enough it returned with ever-growing persistence. "Stop it!" the plumber snapped.

"Not until you tell me!" Kevin threatened.

Time to play it dumb.

"Tell you what?" David asked innocently.

"You know," Kevin urged. Then a dangerous smile broke out from his face as he raised an eyebrow wickedly. "Don't make me tickle you."

David shot Kevin eyes of wrath. "Don't fucking try it."

Cindy set down the paper plates in her hand and moved closer to the standing men. "I'll hold him, Kev!"

So she wants a piece of this too?

David was cornered against two villains and a hard place, which just happened to be a tree. Unless he could climb faster than hands could attack, he was screwed._ Well, you could always delay the torture or surrender at your own expense._

David was as vulnerable to tickling as Superman was to criptonite. What was even worse was the fact that he was very, very ticklish. Hopefully no one else knew. It was safer to assume and not take any chances.

It was time to cash in the pennies. "Okay damn't, just lay off!"

The terrible twosome grinned viciously as David murmured beneath his breath again.

Cindy and Kevin leaned closer, nearly touching ear to lips. Their own jaws slackened as David's words sunk in.

"…I can't catch the ball," he admitted sheepishly.

After a beat of silence, the waitress and cop began to laugh, rolling to their backs on the blanket. Legs kicked in the air. Far from that level of amusement, David grit his teeth and pushed himself to his feet. His shoes tore and uprooted grass as he began to stomp away from the scene; hands shoved deep in his pockets.

Kevin calmed himself first, holding his hard stomach with one hand. With the other he pushed himself to his feet, calling out, "Hey!" at David's back. "Where are ya goin'?"

"Anywhere but here," the pissed plumber snapped.

Kevin faltered in his stride for a moment, cringing before he followed again. "Oh _come on_ Dave, we were just kidding! We're laughing in shock! You're like the last person I'd think couldn't catch a ball."

Still, David kept his pace. Seeing this, Kevin hurried to a jog after the plumber as Cindy fought to collect herself beneath the shade of the tree.

Kevin couldn't help but smile, amused by the other mans dramatic attitude. It was cute, really, just like the ponytail that hung down the plumber's back. Lured by the hanging gathering of shiny black hair, Kevin reached a hand towards it. He pulled.

David pivoted on his feet lightening fast. His hand, equally speedy, flashed up to catch Kevin against the cheek. The sound of skin against skin clapped loudly in the air as the slap landed. The cop yelped, frightened by the sudden sting of pain. One hand snaked up to touch the throbbing flesh as Kevin tried to stroke feeling back into his cheek.

"Ow, you jerk!" the 31 year old whined. He'd been slapped enough by women, but never by a man. And it was definitely worse with David. "You're just as bitchy as Alyssa sometimes, ya know?" the former RPD Officer scowled.

"Well if you didn't treat me like one and left me the fuck alone, I wouldn't be!" the other spat.

"How do I treat you like a woman?!" Kevin demanded.

David kept pounding words out. "And don't touch my hair, dickhead! What, are you gonna tease me about it? Do I look like a woman to you? Hmm? Oh, and now that you know I can't catch a ball, it makes me even more feminine, right?"

Kevin held up his hands defensively, waving them back and forth in surrender. "Woah there, calm down! Look, I'm sorry about trying to have some fun. And no, I'm not going to push your buttons any further." Then he sighed. "Why do you have to be so serious, Dave? It's not like _I'm_ ever serious. Even if I were, there are ways you could be more masculine – like cutting your hair, for example."

David was lightening little by little. "Yeah, but it's not like you can teach me how to catch."

Kevin blinked for a moment, then threw his head back to laugh. He crossed his thick muscular arms over his wide chest. "Do you remember who you're talking to? I am the All Mighty Ryman! You're lucky to have a friend like me – gorgeous, athletic, and a kickass player at football!"

David kept his tongue bit but he couldn't prevent his eyes from rolling.

The other continued to ramble, unnoticing. "…Which means that if I can throw a ball, I can teach you how – no questions asked."

"Uh…..huh…" the plumber drawled, full of misgivings. He turned to continue his trek away from the park. "You do that. I'm just going to go this way –"

"Nice try!" Kevin laughed as he caught David by the arm, flinching as he did, wanting to avoid another slap. Surprisingly, it never came. "I'll teach you how to catch a ball if it kills me-"

"- Which it will -" David forced between words.

"Nonsense! You will catch the ball, David. That's a Kevin Ryman promise."

= = =

More Notes:

I thought it was a little laughable that David couldn't catch a football...after all, he is macho. He's the type of guy who could, no problem, but I think he's more like "pfft, I'm too dignified for that" or something.

Eh, whatever. Lalalaa...

Seriously people, REVIEW. If you don't I'll assume no one is reading and stop writing, because that would just be worthless.


	3. 3

Notes: ...so I didn't die. Gasp.  
Anyway. I've had this sitting on my desktop for god knows how long. Figured I'd finish it, since I am currently bored to death. You will be too after you read it. Apparently, I've lost whatever writing talent I had once upon a time. I just can't get back into the rhythm anymore, I guess.

iii

David doubted he'd ever seen anything as green as the grassthat harvested itself in the landscape of the park, small seeds falling beneath their footsteps. Alyssa hoped she would see money even more emerald in tone, wishing that it seeded and grew as the brushing plants did. To her dismay, they didn't.

Kevin Ryman had a payment of his own, wondering if it would be a good idea to charge for catching lessons. Then again, the plumber was his friend and..well, he didn't want any man to be pathetic. Not that the plumber was or anything. No one was as sad as the black man who bit into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, seeming to attack it like a raptor had its prey in the prehistoric years of the Earth. All three of them - David, Kevin, and Alyssa - thought that they should be thankful to be so far away from the scene where Cindy sat, experiencing it first hand. The froth of saliva, the spitting of little bits of that poor threatened lunch treat, causing Cindy's cries of "Ew, JIM!" to grow louder and louder until the whole park was likely to hear her squealing voice echoing.

David's was so deep that it seemed impossible for anyone else to hear the dark mutters which left his lips, at least until Alyssa laughed and said, "Shut it, you pissy plumber. Let's just do this and get it over with."

As for Kevin, his voice was always high and happy, coming from that masculine mouth surrounded by dark stubble that was quickly becoming a beard that framed his smile. Always friendly, Kevin still had his pride, which seemed to override the most simple of enthusiasm for his own ego.

"Okay David, I got an idea. How about you and me run over there..." With one think finger, gloved in his favored black leather as always, Kevin directed David's dead to the world gaze to a section of land seeming sixty feet from the reporter who reared her arm back, holding the football. Really, it was thirty or so steps from her position. "...so we can compete for the ball."

David said nothing. Like a loyal dog that had no other choice but to see the scissors in front of his testes and scrotum, he obeyed enough to avoid having an annoying cop on his hands. He was sure he'd have to deal with him anyway, eventually. Said cop went on, cracking his knuckles before he started scratching his biceps that were exposed from beneath the ebony T-shirt he wore that said, in bright bold yellow letters on the front, "I got kicked of cub scouts for eating a brownie". At least it wasn't as blatant as the previous days when he wore one stating proudly in bright white, "Sex Police K-9 Doggystyle Unit".

Then again, he wasn't the one who drove to the park like David did in his truck, listening to Prince sing, "Jack U Off".

...It's a catchy song, damnit.

Kevin must have thought he was so hilarious...and he did. Too bad David didn't find it funny when the ex-cop looked at him arrogantly and said, "But being impossible is better to me. Why bother to try?"

David had to agree, raising on arched brow as Kevin rolled his broad shoulders, T-shirt stretching tight across strong back. It wasn't distracting. It wasn't. "Hell if I know. Can I go home now?"

The second Kevin shrugged, David was already turning, the movement making a wind that caught his restrained hair and tossed the rim of his shorts which brushed long tawny legs that were still hairless from being waxed the week before. Not only that, but the arm that suddenly wrapped around David's leaner shoulders nearly restrained him from making his escape when one of Raccoon City Police Department's finest arrested David as effectively as a band of steel would have. It definitely wasn't. David could feel the heat of Kevin and smell the musk of a real man who had been enduring the rays of the sunshine for a while now.

"Oh come on plumber, I was just kidding! Jesus, do you take everything so seriously?"

When David tried to shake him off, Kevin didn't budge a bit. He just pulled said plumber closer, curling his arm until that broad bicep brushed against one hollow cheek that felt on fire because of the touch, not necessarily because of the man. While none of them knew his past, David had a hard time keeping pieces of the puzzle a secret. It was his instinct to attack when he felt as little as threatened, hand clenching into a fist before he---

Luckily, for Kevin at least, Alyssa had thrown the football. It flew through the air, showing that not only did Alyssa have great legs, but a fantastic arm for a female, as well as technique. The pigskin spiraled, aimed right at them. Like dominoes, one fall of a piece could trigger the chain reaction of change, causing Kevin to kick off the ground away from David, dodging the unsuspected thrust of a fist. It hadn't been the first time that something like that had happened.

It wouldn't be the first time that Kevin caught the ball before David either. Not even prepared, the plumber watched as Kevin went after it, body leaping up in a twist to catch it in mid air. A fine mist of grass seeds erupted beneath the rubber soled boots as the large man fell, tossing them up into the air when his weight hit. It nearly shook the ground David stood on, still staring as Kevin whooped and did a little dance. Whether the gray gaze was from shock because of his own almost-actions or Kevin's, David didn't know. He figured it was there because of both.

As for arms, Kevin had both of his raised as he ran around in three circles and then stopped to slam the ball in the ground tip first before he turned to shake his ass at Alyssa. When he tossed the ball back both effortlessly and flawlessly, his bicep bulged in the arm used. David made sure that his were tightly crossed against his chest, fingers furrowed between the junction of forearm and upper, standing both powerful and passive as Kevin turned to him with a thrust of a thumb in the air. Apparently the man enjoyed showing off, even for a one-man audience.

David was sure that Kevin was all he needed anyway. There was that annoyance he'd been expecting, shown in that almost egotistical smile as Kevin pulled out a lighter to strike in one hand. The other plucked a cigarette from the package that had poked out from one back pocket, having waited almost a whole hour for that moment where the man started to smoke.

Rolling silver eyes, the plumber stood, watching as Kevin blew the smoke of the cigarette out in rings. David swore that if the man stepped any closer, even an inch when they were some five feet apart, he'd jam the cancer stick up one nostril and bring it through the other. David hated the smell of smoke. It got in his hair and his clothes, and it stunk up a man's breath like nobody's business. David thought that Kevin was about to make _everything_ his business like _always_ when he stood in his place, staring at the plumber with a wry smile on his wiry lips.

"Did you have fun watching a pro? Just goes to show you that I'm not just a policeman, but an all star football player. There ain't nothin' better than me, mwahah!"

That egocentric moment was shattered when the velvet voice of the plumber left lips that stayed stoic, much like the rest of his expression. In fact, it mimicked the idea of being bored..which he was. Then there was something else, after he spoke first and thought later, seeing the flash of distress through Kevin's blue eyes that resembled the Antarctic sky, immediately making David feel a lot like an asshole.

"You aren't a copper any more, Kev."

If he'd thought that what he'd said would shut down that happy attitude for more than a handful of seconds, he was wrong. What David did do was remind himself that Kevin's hands were rather large, no longer full of the football. For moments on end…that didn't seem to matter. None of it did, because David had never seen sapphire eyes full of such sadness, so much confusion that surely, if Kevin had been a hound, his tail would have been curled between trembling thighs.

Across from them that thirty feet or so away, Alyssa caught the ball and reared her arm back while she watched the other men with interest.

She had to smile, noting the differences between David, the man who didn't give a damn or tried to act like he didn't, and Kevin, who considered everything as a competition which…really, the taller of the two had instigated despite his own hatred of the mere idea. Now both men glared at each other like the matador to the bull. In her hand, she held the red flag.

She wondered if the so-called matador's favorite color just so happened to be crimson, translating to the thought with a little less metaphor: Would the man bother to go after it?

The key word in that sentence was "man". If David was that, he would - especially with one like Kevin who was entirely masculine in both appearance and attitude on his tail. David didn't look much like a woman, even with his long hair, but if he had to endure the laughter of Kevin any longer about being…well, not as mucho manly as the wider of the two was, David was going to crack. Which would have been fine, if the term related to the fact that he was, indeed, a plumber. But the coveralls protected him from that happening…sadly.

Beneath the shade of the tree, Cindy watched. Jim, on the other hand, was too intent on swallowing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich whole to do more than spit out crumbs as he feasted like a shark, spitting bits out here and there. When he got too gross, when he started sputtering sticky saliva soaked chunks of white bread onto Cindy's skirt, Alyssa must have taken her cue to throw the football. It flew in perfect time with the crust which the waitress thrust right into Jim's chest, watching him throw up his arms with a booming exclamation of "What da fuck!"

The field started to shake and quake beneath the thundering of one man's thighs, which made Alyssa consider the idea that Kevin could be called that: thunder thighs. The man's legs were constructed of compact muscle, solid as steel and sounding just as heavy. On the other hand, there was a set thinner, ready and running. David was built like a sprinter, lithe and long and almost languid as he leapt, the grass beneath him in a flurry of fury motion as the wind from him swept across the land and---

And exploded, as the four hundred something pounds of two men's combined weights smashed into the seedy shards of torn grass that broke on impact, thrown aside by the gust of two chests heaving out all air in their confines – hot, undoubtedly, and enough to give birth to a tornado of blinding fury in the form of a plumber.

Alyssa bit her lip to hide her laughter. Kevin bit his lip because the fist across his face made him, a crimson bit of blood bubbling to the surface which snapped beneath sharp teeth as David slapped him so hard he swore his brain popped out of the opposing ear.

So near, the snarling shouts sounded tremorous, and were so stark that something _did_ pop after the silver streak of a blade made it's way across Kevin's face to sink directly into the pig skin with another burst of air. Kevin's jaw, luckily still intact, dropped as David rose and, rearing back his arm, chucked the poor punctured football right into his chest.

"Are you happy now, you fat fuck! YOU GOT THE BALL. You can have it! HAVE IT, now that you know what I think of it!"

What was the plumber so upset about? He'd never liked the khakis he wore, even with green grass stain smeared at the knee. His bare calves were dirty, but he wasn't pissed about that. He was pissed at Kevin who - for once - wasn't piss-faced. Perhaps he'd pissed himself at the sight of the sunken ball cradled like his own child, his hurt baby, in his hands. David's own were fisted, digits twisted around the hilt of his switch blade before he dropped it into his boot…only after he reared the right back and made the kick off, straight from Kevin's hands.

Said hands shot up in defeat in shock as the dead ball leapt, aiming far away, hitting the ground besides the blonde who was barking with laughter. The impact was as graceful as a gym sock wet with sweat, tossed to the ground after practice.

Kevin, having felt like the knife had sunk into the heart hidden beneath the barriers of a broad chest, stood after a second of staring at the pathetic pile of rubber..leather….whatever it was. By the way he looked at it, anyone could have sworn it was created of human skin and sinew.

The park was starting to look a lot like Raccoon, with the shocked expressions and the corpse of a football taking the place of a body. Jim found it funny. The plumber had reverted back to his uncomfortable silence. The cop nearly had to capture his dropped jaw with a cup of hand as Cindy and Alyssa shifted uncomfortably, both standing and sitting on a blanket.

All together, no one was walking, each mourning the miserable football that had fallen into itself. Apparently, teaching a man how to catch, despite Kevin's confidence, wasn't a walk in the park.

iii

TBC...maybe.


End file.
